"Oh, the places that scare you."

"Confess your hidden faults.

Approach what you find repulsive.

Help those you think you can not help.

Anything that you are attached to, let it go.

Go to the places that scare you." 

                                                                           -Machik Labdron

Happy New Year! This quote comes from a book I just finished reading titled "The Places that Scare You: A Guide to fearlessness in difficult times" by Pema Chodron. Ironically, that same day I also reread "Oh, the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Suess, one of my all time favorites growing up. Now, I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure Dr. Suess and Mr. Chodron must have been hanging out at a temple on some mountain top in the Himalayas and written these books simultaneously over of a cup of magic tea, because I found the correlations to be uncanny. Now, I know what you're probably thinking, and the answer is NO... I haven't been drinking the tea! I really do think they complement each other. Sure, one book is palm size, has a plain white cover, smells like grandma, and the only picture inside is of the Buddhist man who wrote it, while the other book is big and bright, and full of colorful illustrations of creatures flying high on balloons and magically moving mountains. My point being don't judge a book by it's cover. Dr. Suess didn't hide the truth from his young readers and coerce them into believing that life is all lollipops and gummy bears. He too admits that we will be faced with places that are dark and scary and we should and will go there. He refers to this time as the "Waiting Place" while Chodron calls it the middle or "in-between" place. The two seem to share the conclusion that in saying that it is in this "in-between" or "waiting " place where Enlightenment is found. Lately, I've felt like I've been stuck in this very space, but the problem is I feel far from enlightened. So, I'm gonna take Labdron's advice.

CONFESS YOUR HIDDEN FAULTS.
My first confession is that it has been over a year since my last blog entry. I am a slacker. This fault isn't so hidden. My second fault has just started to surface and it is that being alone scares me to death.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not.
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
                                                                -Dr. Suess

APPROACH WHAT YOU FIND REPULSIVE.
In the last two months, ten of the most beloved people in my life have up and left my side. Now it's not that I feel all alone, but I am definitely approaching a repulsive place. This mass exodus has left me questioning a lot. Is it me that is the repulsion? Do I have the tendency to drive away or keep the ones I love at a distance? Am I repelling love? Will I end up a lonely old lady with twenty cats? Is this life's twisted way of teaching me a lesson? Or is it all just a coincidence. Whatever the reason, lately I feel like running to the top of the nearest mountain and screaming, "heeeeeeeeeeelp!"

HELP THOSE WHO YOU CAN NOT HELP.
Instead of screaming and feeling helpless, I've decided a healthier approach may be to focus on helping someone I often times forget... myself. My stubborn, bull headed, triple Taurus self. It seems in helping others I've lost the ability to help myself. Probably, because it's easier. Maybe I had to lose these people whom I love so dearly in order to find myself again and this empty repulsive feeling I'm experiencing is my next life lesson in attachment.

ANYTHING YOU ARE ATTACHED TO, LET IT GO
I feel most "attached" to the people I love. And that is why I am letting them go. Letting them go into the unknown, onto bigger and better places, into the great abbys, towards opportunities of a more fulfilling life, to San Francisco to follow her heart, to Nicaragua to raise their first born daughter, to sail across the Pacific with a man named Raulf, to return to Tahoe and reunite with family, and to the places that were once dark and scary that are all of a sudden looking a lot lighter and less scary.

GO TO THE PLACES THAT SCARE YOU.
Here I am...still faulty, less repulsed, only slightly helpless, non attached, and not nearly as scared. But not to fear. In these difficult times I am now fearless. I have brains in my head. I have feet in my shoes. I can steer myself any direction I choose. I'm on my own. And I know what I know...

Happy New Year!

I know what your thinking... what a slacker. Seriously?  A Christmas Card. It's fricken April.  If you bothered to read my card last year, you will remember that this was my intention... to get your undivided attention.  I don't want my card to be lost in that stack of photos and letters that all come pouring in at once.  Come on, be honost... did you read ALL those greetings?  

2011.  I think I'm just gonna skip the whole entire year. Not because there wasn't amazingness to report, but because this year could be the end of the world, so I figure I better talk about the present just in case.  

2012. Still no babies, still no boy friends, still no real world job, still no health insurance, but still stoked to be here floating around the universe waiting patiently for...??? Well, I still haven't figured that out either, but anyways... ok... focus Sarah, you're losing them.  

January 1st, 2012.  So there I was... hung over... havin a mimosa, when I come across this beautiful vessel you see before you.  She's all mine. 1975 and yes, she's a pop top.  Day one of the new year and already chippin away at my bucket list.  She's only left me on the side of the road a few times, but I'm confident she and I have many exciting adventures to come.  

February 1st, 2012.  I accepted a position managing a WWOOF Farm, still on the North Shore of Oahu, in exchange for free room and board.  I'm officially a farmer. Yep, I live in the dirt, sometimes I shit in a bucket, and I have to say I love it. For more on "The Laaaand," check out this blog I just started. It'll tell you a brief history of the place and there's some photos too.

http://thelaaaand.blogspot.com/2012/04/aloha-aina.html

March 1, 2012. My friend and I bought this boat.  Her name is the Mimosa.  This is the only photo I could find, but this sorta image is far better portrayed by your imagination anyways.

March 18, 6:08am, 2012. Liv Aloha was born. And I can officially say I have never fallen in love with anything so fast in my entire life.  Thank you Melissa and Ian for making a baby.  Way to take some of that family pressure off of me ;)

If you made it to the bottom.  Thanks for reading.  I know we live in a super fast digital world these days and phone calls seem to be a thing of the past, but I'm hear to say, slow down, call me, I'd love to hear your voice. I think about each and everyone of you MUCHO.  Love to all of you and your little ones.  

A series of unfortunate events

So there I was... about ready to leave my friends house after a lovely day at the beach. I was making sure that I had everything even asking her to double check.  She agreed I was all good and there I went on my merry little way.  I was driving my newer car, the 1981 Benz, as opposed to the 1975 VW bus that had crapped out on me earlier that morning.  I made it about half way home when I realized that I had not only forgotten my wallet, but I had also forgotten my tooth!  I reached for my phone to let my friend know when suddenly it decided to die.  That sucks I think to myself as take a deep breath and keep driving.  Next, I feel that feeling I know all too well these days.  That chugga lugga chug chug and realize that my car is about to die.  Sure enough... it does just that.  Now, normally this wouldn't be that shitty of a situation, but as you are fully aware of, I am far from normal, and now even further from normal as I am now stranded on the side of the road carless, phoneless, walletless, and let's not forget toothless!  Oh, and I should also mention my surfboard is strapped to the top of the car and it's dark outside.

Want to read the ending... buy the book!

Double Wammy

So there I was... not even two weeks into my new job, borrowing the work truck to do a dump run, not expecting a series of unfortunate events to follow.  A little background on the work truck... it's a fricken tank.  It's an old diesel chevy pick up with over 300,000 miles.  I recently moved onto a farm that has been pretty neglected henceforth making me very familiar with the local dump.  So I dumped the trash, surfed, and went to load my board back into the now empty truck but it didn't fit length wise. I didn't want it to bounce around in the bed so I thought since the truck was so wide it would be ok to strap it perpendicular. Yes, like airplane wings.  What I forgot was I now live on the other side of a lil bridge we like to call rainbow bridge.  So there I was cruising through when... baaaaaammm.  Judging by the sound I thought for sure I lost half my board.  Luckily it just got a nice shave.  Oh, it's not over yet.  Not even two minutes pass and I'm now cued behind this guy who is trying to figure out how to open the gate to my property.  I'm about to open my window to give him the code when I suddenly I see him getting back into his car.  I then see his reverse lights go on and before I could get to the horn.... baaaaaaammm.  The guy backs right into me and my tank of a truck.  The truck totally fine,  his bumper... not so fine.

Perserverance

So there I was... alongside the footpath at the Lanis bridge wedging my arm inside of a whole in a tree trying to reach my car keys that had fallen down it moments before.  I had stashed my keys here before, but on this particular day, as I went to grab them after my surf, I happened to knock them causing them into the hole from hell!  At first I figured, no worries, just reach in and grab um, how deep can this hole be?   I lean my surf board against the fence to get a better look.  The keys were nowhere to be seen and I could only squeeze my arm into about my elbow.  I grabbed a skinny branch and started jamming it down the hole to see how deep this hole was.  It appeared be a good three feet deep and I decided I would definitely need some tools.  I turned to grab my board and start walking back to my house when BBBAAAAMMM!  The board came crashing down to the ground right on the rail leaving a huge ding (oh and I should mention the fact that the boards not even mine!)  I hitched a ride back to my house and jumped on my moped with a circular saw between my feet, a drill press on my lap, a long wire under my seat, and a headlamp.  I know, real safe right, oh and let's not forget the fact it was raining!  I made it back to the tree now equipped with an array of power tools earning me some pretty funny looks from the passing surfers and start fishing for the keys or least hear them, but have no luck. I then try to drill press holes into the tree in hopes to hit the big hole and see further down, but the drill isn't powerful enough.  Next, I grab the circular saw just as my friend passes.  We both decide the circular saw is a bad idea only inviting more danger, both to us, and to the line of cars on the road if the whole tree were to fall down.  I decide I'm gonna need better tools and this time came back on the moped, in the rain, with a 3 foot tall axe between my legs and a saw under my feet.  I looked at the tree trunk and literally guessed a spot  about two feet down that I thought the whole may end and started sawing. I was trying to saw a wedge out of the side of the tree as to not actually make it fall.  I now know how ironwood earned it's name!  That shit is not soft.  Alternating with another friend, we eventually get into the tree about 3 or 4 inches on the top and bottom of the wedge and start hacking at it with the axe.  Eventually, the chunk comes out and we quickly crouch down to get a better look.  We just barely reached the hole and we couldn't believe what we say lying on the ledge opposite the opening... my keys!  With a lot of deep breathing and manipulating of the wire,  I successfully looped the wire through the key ring and fished them out!  Next on my to do list...get a fucking spare!

So there I was...

So there I was... back in the US not even five hours, after completing my first three week trip to Costa Rica.  That morning I had woken up at 3 30 am that to send off my first few chicas to the airport.  My other guide had asked me to push the button to close the gate behind the van on their way out.  In my sleepy state, I thought they had made it out... guess I was wrong.  Apparently I closed it right on the van!  He said he thought they had been hit by a car the noise was so loud.  Whoops number 1 of the day!  Never even got to see the damage... and I'm hoping I won't hear anymore about that whoops.  After all the chicas were off I had two flights and a four hour layover in Atlanta, and finally arrived back to my friend Brian's house after one o clock in the morning.  I rinsed off and layed down on his futon to go to sleep.  After such a long day my tooth was telling me to take it out, so I did, which is shitty because the whole three weeks I had been sleeping with it in, in fear of well, situations like the one I am about to explain.  Well, apparently peanut butter and grahmn crackers was a bad choice for a midnight snack.  I had set my tooth on my backpack next to the futon and when I woke up there was a dog burping in my face.  I immediately felt panicked and looked down to see that my fear had come to true.  My tooth was fucking gone!!!   I screamed things we don't need to discussed and immediately started searching, and fearing soon I would be searching through the dogs poop!  I walked into the other room and saw piece number one... then another... and then one of the dogs (the guilty one obviously) jumped up onto his favorite chew spot apparently, revealing the third piece with the tooth thankfully still in tacked.  The fourth and final piece is still out there, or maybe in there, and quite frankly I think Francis deserves a bit of a stomach ache!

Oh, it gets better don't worry.  For reasons I am not even sure of so don't ask, I asked my ex-boyfriend to accompany me to my drive to Las Vegas, which is where I will be starting my next trip from... in two days!  So, he was already waiting for me at the bus station when I was busy figuring out what the fuck I was going to do next... Oh and btw... I haven't seen him in over 7 years!!!  

Vegas... here we come, tooth in hand!

You really clean up nice.

Ever since I was a little kid the phrase "you clean up nice" has seemed to follow me where ever I go.  I was often mistaken for a boy growing up, so naturally when I was dragged to formal outings with my parents and forced to wear a dress people would say this to me often.  Even now when I "clean up" I´ve had friends, even roommates, walk right past me not even recognizing me.  Hearing this phrase again and again has taught a few valuable lessons: number one, I probably should make more of an effort to look nice, and number two, don´t take things personally.  Every second of every day we are faced with decisions.  And with each of these decisions, there comes a choice.  The beauty here lies in knowing we are FREE to choose.  For example, when people tell me I clean up nice I could choose to be pissed off and think that person is a total asshole, because they are implying that normally I look like a total dirt bag.  Or instead, I can choose to be grateful and say, thank you, and think they are simply telling me this because I do look nice. 

As I enter my 31st year of existence here in this ever so FREE country we live in, I feel truly blessed.  Blessed to live FREE, to be unattached,  to be unrestrained, and most importantly to be given the right to CHOOSE.  The more I travel, the more I realize how lucky we all are to simply be born into a country with so much freedom and so many rights.  Now don´t get me wrong, I´m not saying the United States of America is by any means perfect.  I am simply saying I am grateful to have been born here.

I am trying to make it a point to CHOOSE the sunnier side.  I guess you could say I´m trying to not only "clean up" my body but my mind as well.  All those toxic, monotonous, judgemental, antagonistic thoughts are only cluttering our beautiful minds.  By cleansing our patterns of thinking and ridding it of all that doesn´t serve us positively, we can move closer towards FREEDOM.

These thoughts can be difficult to let go, but we must not give up.  Keep a heart open heart and soon your mind will open too.  I am triple Taurus, and I guess you could say I´m a lot bit stubborn.  Letting go of things is not easy for me.  I always want to be in control, who doesn´t?  But one thing I have leaned by letting go of trying to control everything is that it has actually made things easier to control.  By letting go of my brain, by spiraling a bit out of control, and frequently loosing my mind, I have actually found more control, more stability, and more groundedness.  Remember, Getting lost is a part of this beautiful journey we are all on together.  I guess that´s why they say, "it¨s the journey that matters, not the destination."

So lose yourself...
                                 and
                                                     LIVE FREE!