"Oh, the places that scare you."

"Confess your hidden faults.

Approach what you find repulsive.

Help those you think you can not help.

Anything that you are attached to, let it go.

Go to the places that scare you." 

                                                                           -Machik Labdron

Happy New Year! This quote comes from a book I just finished reading titled "The Places that Scare You: A Guide to fearlessness in difficult times" by Pema Chodron. Ironically, that same day I also reread "Oh, the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Suess, one of my all time favorites growing up. Now, I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure Dr. Suess and Mr. Chodron must have been hanging out at a temple on some mountain top in the Himalayas and written these books simultaneously over of a cup of magic tea, because I found the correlations to be uncanny. Now, I know what you're probably thinking, and the answer is NO... I haven't been drinking the tea! I really do think they complement each other. Sure, one book is palm size, has a plain white cover, smells like grandma, and the only picture inside is of the Buddhist man who wrote it, while the other book is big and bright, and full of colorful illustrations of creatures flying high on balloons and magically moving mountains. My point being don't judge a book by it's cover. Dr. Suess didn't hide the truth from his young readers and coerce them into believing that life is all lollipops and gummy bears. He too admits that we will be faced with places that are dark and scary and we should and will go there. He refers to this time as the "Waiting Place" while Chodron calls it the middle or "in-between" place. The two seem to share the conclusion that in saying that it is in this "in-between" or "waiting " place where Enlightenment is found. Lately, I've felt like I've been stuck in this very space, but the problem is I feel far from enlightened. So, I'm gonna take Labdron's advice.

CONFESS YOUR HIDDEN FAULTS.
My first confession is that it has been over a year since my last blog entry. I am a slacker. This fault isn't so hidden. My second fault has just started to surface and it is that being alone scares me to death.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not.
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
                                                                -Dr. Suess

APPROACH WHAT YOU FIND REPULSIVE.
In the last two months, ten of the most beloved people in my life have up and left my side. Now it's not that I feel all alone, but I am definitely approaching a repulsive place. This mass exodus has left me questioning a lot. Is it me that is the repulsion? Do I have the tendency to drive away or keep the ones I love at a distance? Am I repelling love? Will I end up a lonely old lady with twenty cats? Is this life's twisted way of teaching me a lesson? Or is it all just a coincidence. Whatever the reason, lately I feel like running to the top of the nearest mountain and screaming, "heeeeeeeeeeelp!"

HELP THOSE WHO YOU CAN NOT HELP.
Instead of screaming and feeling helpless, I've decided a healthier approach may be to focus on helping someone I often times forget... myself. My stubborn, bull headed, triple Taurus self. It seems in helping others I've lost the ability to help myself. Probably, because it's easier. Maybe I had to lose these people whom I love so dearly in order to find myself again and this empty repulsive feeling I'm experiencing is my next life lesson in attachment.

ANYTHING YOU ARE ATTACHED TO, LET IT GO
I feel most "attached" to the people I love. And that is why I am letting them go. Letting them go into the unknown, onto bigger and better places, into the great abbys, towards opportunities of a more fulfilling life, to San Francisco to follow her heart, to Nicaragua to raise their first born daughter, to sail across the Pacific with a man named Raulf, to return to Tahoe and reunite with family, and to the places that were once dark and scary that are all of a sudden looking a lot lighter and less scary.

GO TO THE PLACES THAT SCARE YOU.
Here I am...still faulty, less repulsed, only slightly helpless, non attached, and not nearly as scared. But not to fear. In these difficult times I am now fearless. I have brains in my head. I have feet in my shoes. I can steer myself any direction I choose. I'm on my own. And I know what I know...